i am an irresponsible daughter

i am so tired. so exhausted.

it has been a year since i last saw her,but we already had a big row within the 3 days we met. she thought i changed. but i thought i have not. have i?
being away from her for nearly a year, perhaps i am used to her not being around. doing my own things. going out for long hours. going out so often, till i am not aware she felt being abandoned.

its been a year since i last saw her, i need to realise that there are certain adjustments to be made.

its been a year since i last saw her, indeed. i have changed.

its been a year since i last saw her, she has to know when to let go.

its been a year since i last saw her, i must learnt that it is my turn to compromise.

its been a year since i last saw her, she has to understand it is not easy. i do miss her. i really do. but what am i suppose to do?

its been a year since i last saw her, i felt that i have other things in mind. i am beginning to feel frustrated at her comments ,her nagging. perhaps it is because within this year i am away from her, i felt liberated.

its been a year since i last saw her, and we are already falling out. what about in 5 or 10 years? will we become strangers? i am such an irresponsible daughter.

Bits and Pieces

I can't bare to log into Facebook anymore. Day after day. Albums after albums. Status after status. Graduation pictures. Graduation status . Graduation Caption. It's a tad bit overwhelming.

Soon,mine will be the 1000th Graduation album up on Facebook.

Somewhere in between photos, I can't help but noticing the people I lose touch with. All of us are heading to different directions and it is even harder to keep up with them. Is it too late to say hello again? I do not know. Is it too late to care? Perhaps. Is it too late to take the bold step and say hi again? Never.

Sometimes, we bottle up how we feel about a relationship. We wait until it is the right moment to show our appreciation. We never tell someone how much they mean to us because it might sound awkward. Life is brief. If you are glad you meet them. Tell them. If you feel that life could not have been so fulfilling without them. Tell them. It will put a smile on their face.And warmth in your heart.

i am a free bitch

I adore spontaneous decisions.Usually quick in execution, irrational and dangerously fun.Going for Lady GaGa for $52 was a wise spontaneous act.

Her individualism, her out-there messages, and not a care of the world. Lady GaGa represents it all .An inspiration for freaks. A freak to some. A fascination for the remaining.

A fascination to me, I actually learnt something from her. Her belief is simple : " I am a free bitch." You are who you are. Do not be pretentious.

A chapter my life has ended. The get-a-degree chapter. I am currently staring blankly on my next chapter. A fresh blank page. Unable to begin. Unable to decide what to do with it. Perhaps it is more of scribbling, crossing out and fumbling for words. Trying cautiously to get it right.

We are free to choose who we are. But does it really work that way? Am I being too cautious? When I was young, I would love to change something in this world. Anything. As I grew older, I realised reality does not work that way. Initial endowment, as I learnt, is the extra something that propels you to great heights. This dream of mine seems to shrink by the day, Perhaps it is more modest to say, I want to change the things around me. Even a little is better than nothing.

We are free bitches,but it takes one successful free bitch to constantly remind us that we can actually be free.

A Dose of Sweetness

BerryLine is top of the pile, along with J.P.Licks , ( any guesses for the next one?) Ben and Jerry's for any student's weekly (or daily? ) dose of sweetness. Personally, I am not a big fan of frozen yogurt. I have yet to try Yog or Snog that sprinkled around London. The name BerryLine does make sense. Indeed, there was a line out the small brightly lit corner shop even at 10pm.

The combination is simple. Size, Flavours( Original, Nutella, Strawberry), Toppings. In 3 steps, you end up with a cup of goodness in your hands.It was 10pm at night, so I opted for a small ($2.75) Original instead of Nutella. Next comes the toppings. I identified it as sinful or healthy goodness. With additional of $ 1, you can have toppings of fruits ,from small cubes of kiwi to slices of banana(the healthy goodness) or toppings of oreo to kit kat (sinful).

It was a dilemma to me. Having sorted out to go for small Original, I thought I could further resist on the calorie loaded toppings of sinful goodness. Alas, my lips uttered "mochi and cookie crunch!" (with a bit too much of enthusiasm) before I could stop myself. Yes, mochi, the chewy Japanese sweet.

The Original frozen yogurt was certainly not vanilla. The texture was smooth and not too melty.It does not feel like ice cream as well. There is a taste of subtle sourness and tangy feeling to it. A crunch of cookie bits and a bite of soft mochi, combined with the rich and creamy frozen yogurt was just heavenly.

Original with freshly cut kiwi and plump blueberries.Summer in a cup! This is what I should have go for. Ah well!

Grated strips of coconut, a sprinkle of nuts and a generous amount of blueberries for toppings.

Lining up for my BerryLine, I already made up my mind what to have the next time. Nutella! (and hopefully, the healthy goodness toppings instead)

どこで？ Harvard Square 3 Arrow Street, Cambridge, MA 02138

何時から何時までですか？ Sun-Wed: Noon-11pm, Thurs-Sat: Noon-12am

Directions

I thought after 3 years, I would have it all figure out. Get that career, get that ladder climbing and get that profile. but do I really want to be a consultant? It was something I have in mind during my 3 years of Economics.
For some reason or another, my mind consistently reminds me that I can stretch myself more than that.

It was the 3rd day of my Journalism course, I already felt a pang of excitment that I never felt before during my 3 years in Economics. Journalism takes me to places and be observant.Take today ,for instance, I learnt how audio and pictures can evoke emotions at the precise moment. Another shot will take you somewhere else.Journalism allows you to be a representative for the voices of the unheard and unknown. It allows you to shape your audience's perspectives.A very powerful tool indeed.

We were shown a documentary on Indonesian Punk by Maria Bakkalapulo & Ayumi Nakanishi. Unfortunately, I can't find the video on YouTube, but the video below is just something I pick up that might interest you.

Being half Indonesian (but practically grew up in Malaysia), I felt a surge of emotions when I watched the video. It brought me back to last summer during my very first visit to Jakarta after ten over years. We were having lunch then. It was a small dingy stall. 2 buskers, no older than 25 years old started stringing their guitars. I wonder aloud how they can survive with a few dollars. What amazed me was that they knew every song by heart. They did a light and beautiful version of - I saw her standing there by the Beatles with just guitars. I loved the song ever since.
Watching the video this morning made me want to be the voice for this community. Or any community that can captivate the audience's attention and feel the emotions these people are going through. The feeling of abandonment, disappointment with their government, and hope. Hope through music.

Below is a random video but I think it is worth a watch!

Summer at Harvard

In America,well, Harvard Summer School at least, you will never grow hungry. A slab of cream cheese on my freshly toasted bagel is my must-have in the mornings. Addictive and sinful. a very awful combination indeed. Even a trip to Provincetown, a 3 hours drive from Harvard, Annernberg Hall make sure you are well stuffed. like a stuffed turkey ready for Christmas.

I always adore given a list of food to choose from.Who doesn't? The slight pang of excitment of thinking what kind of choices, followed by immediate crossing out some selection ,followed by slight hesitant on which choices to cross out some more,(indifference curve applicable here), next is the headache of selecting the best, and then the slight doubt of whether is it the best choice. Perhaps, this is not fun as expected!

Have a look at the list. I wanted everything, to be honest. and it comes with chips, a juice of your choice and a fruit,on top of 2 sandwiches for lunch. We were suppose to tick them the day before and collect it the morning the bus leaves for Provincetown. My lunch came in a medium size bulky brown bag and I happily huddled it in my arms, like a little girl been given her lunch to school. I guess it is the anticipation of opening a little surprise (although I knew my choices) and wondering how good are the well-described sandwiches. As it turned out,

and as you can see....well, the chicken salad on marble rye is boiled? chicken covered in overwhelmingly rich calorie laden mayonnaise. Ham and Swiss on bulkie roll was 2 piece of white bread with ham and cheese in between. I wonder where is my bulkie roll? Hmmmmmm...

This blogger has been in and out of the blogging sphere for quite some time. and this time,she promise to keep it up as long as it can be.It does sound like an impossible mission! Alone with you will mostly be a mish mash of thoughts, my love for food and random rants.

To seize the moment ,capture it, and convey it as vivid as possible. That is what I want to achive, and most importantly, to explore my writing capabilities.

It is lovely of you to visit this blog, and thank you. Comments are welcome!